One of the reasons for stress in our lives is the feeling that we're not good enough at what we do: I should be a better parent, a better partner, I should do my job well, and do the house work, and this and that and...

Pheeew!

So, as parents, we feel as if we're not spending enough time with our children, or that we're not getting along with them as well as we'd like to.

When we're at work, our minds aren't there, but rather on our sick child; we have no time or energy for taking care of the house, and by the time we get some time alone with our spouse, we're thoroughly exhausted.

This isn't just about the pressure of "where will I find the time to do all this?" It is mainly about the feeling that we're not able to do as much as we'd like to in each of these areas.

So, what can we do?

Some people learn to manage their time more effectively, and assign certain hours of the day or of the week to each area.

Some people just give up certain parts of their life: there are countries where one out of every four women chooses not to have children, in order to have a good career. Some people hire a maid, and some do the shopping on the internet or on the phone.

And yet, in many cases, despite these solutions, the feeling of "this still isn't good enough" remains. And this feeling causes stress, and lots of it.

This stress may be reduced simply by looking at all of this differently:

What we do is, we decide how much time and effort we're going to devote to each area of our life.

We stick to the above decision, and add a simple phrase to that resolution: "I'm doing the best I can".

Assuming that we are indeed doing our best (which we probably are), just telling ourselves that can work wonders. Perhaps we could do better, perhaps someone else could do better, but right now, we're doing our best.

If our relationship with our kid isn't just what we want it to be, in spite of everything we've already tried, we know that we'll keep learning and improving in the future - but right now, let's tell ourselves what we already know - this is the best we can do right now.

Our house may not be spotless - but hey! With three young children running around, this is the best we can do.

If we've come home exhausted from work, and the kids ask that we come play football with them, it's OK to suggest some other amusement, and tell ourselves... "This is the best I can do right now".

I think you get it, but let's just clear one final point:

The purpose of this exercise isn't to not do and then tell yourself it's all right. The purpose is to do your best, and then remind yourself that this is your best.

Give it a shot. It's important to make demands on ourselves, but it is even more important to cut ourselves some slack. It's important to forgive ourselves.

Remember: "I'm doing the best I can."

Copyright 2006 Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi